The most romantic gift ever?

In 1969, folk singer Joan Baez's husband David Harris was put in jail for refusing to join the army, quite a noble reason to do porridge. He often wore cowboy hats, and his affinity for western wear wasn't his only love; he also loved country music. As a gift to him, she recorded an album of country music for him using largely same session men as her Bob Dylan cover album Any Day Now, regrettably not including Stephen Stills. The highlight was her version of The Byrds classic "Hickory Wind"; the album serves also for me as the most romantic gift you could ever have. What could be better than someone recording in your favourite genre and drawing a portrait of you on the cover? <3

Worthless

I know this blog seems mainly to be about my life and lovelife at the moment, and i'm sorry for that, it's just it's all that plays on my mind. Today, I arranged to meet a date at 6pm, which was a 50 min travel from work. We had talked online for about 2 weeks and even had a skype video chat, so she was real. Of course, she no shows and me being the twat I am waited an hour, knowing she wouldn't come. And she didn't. I feel worthless :(

Weak

I'm not in a good condition, physically or mentally at the moment. I fainted when I woke up for work Tuesday, and am struggling to regain some kind of good mental condition. I cried yesterday for the first time in a while, and I hurt. Talk to me, someone, please?

Guilty

Why do I feel guilty about everything I do, ever? At the moment, i'm spending alot on silly things that cheer me up (match worn footballshirts). I'm comfortably debt free now, yet I always feel guilty about about it. I'm not even catholic, so that can't explain it. They also have a good resale value. Why feel guilty then?

This is what life is

Evidently Chickentown by John Cooper Clarke

the fucking pubs are fucking dull

the fucking clubs are fucking full

of fucking girls and fucking guys

with fucking murder in their eyes

a fucking bloke is fucking stabbed

waiting for a fucking cab

you fucking stay at fucking home

the fucking neighbors fucking moan

keep the fucking racket down

this is fucking chicken town

the fucking pies are fucking old

the fucking chips are fucking cold

the fucking beer is fucking flat

the fucking flats have fucking rats

the fucking clocks are fucking wrong

the fucking days are fucking long

it fucking gets you fucking down

evidently chicken town

a weird year

This year has seen alot of changes for me. I moved from living with my brother to a flatmate who steals from me, got a new job in a medical records department of a hospital, went to Mexico to see a compulsive liar in one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life yet I still love her, dated a sociopath after that. Crazy, what will be next I wonder. This song sums up the year I think, depressing music always cathes my mood and helps me deal with the situations that I face. Next step: out of depression.

Lost

What do you do when someone who you thought loved you, and would always be there for you suddenly decides that wasn't how she felt, and acts so cold towards you? I hate being taken for granted, and I hate being so sensitive. It's difficult to concentrate on anything at the moment; when I try to read, any memory lingers and makes me angry at the possibility it's the last one I will have of it. I've been unsure of most things in my life; how can the one thing i'm sure of be wrong?

""If you waste your time a-talkin' to the people who don't listen,
To the things that you are sayin', who do you think's gonna hear."