RIP Nana

My Nan passed away Saturday evening after a short spell in hospital from a routine operation, most likely from an operation. A few hours before, my Dad called me to tell me she will mostly likely pass away in the next few days and she did that evening at roughly 23:30. While she had been ill for a few years, the news was still a shock. After recieving the news my brother invited me around to his so I could be with family, and although we didn't talk of her much it was at the front of our Minds. I'm ashamed to say that it was only her death that made me realise how much she did for me and my brothers, constantly looking after us after school while our parents were busy. She was honestly like a second Mum. She used to get us such thoughtful gifts like wrestling toys and videos. I remember enjoying her place as it had a much closer proximity to the town centre, and she was a great cook (she worked at the school canteen). I'm worried for my Grandad being alone in his life, and I wish I could be there more for him at this time.

I hadn't seen her much in the last few years, due to me being far and telephone coversations limited due to her hearing but I know I will miss her forever.

The Losing End

I always find myself listening to this song, from Neil Young's first album with Crazy Horse, Everybody Knows This is Nowhere. It's irresitably catchy, with it's loose country rythym, jangly guitar parts harmonies slightly off kilter to the main vocals. Young has said that when you listen to lyrics he prefers the listener to identify themselves in the song, rather than the listening thinking of the author's message, and that's what I do here. I go back to his music constantly as the experiences he draws upon are matched by his lyrical ambition to transend the usual cliches. Whenever I tell people I like Neil Young, they usually comment on his odd voice. I think is part of his strength; music for me isn't about pitch perfect singing, it's about feeling. Everytime I go through a rough patch, I place myself in this but as he says "I will make it somehow"...

"Look out Mamma there's a white boat heading up the river"

On tuesday 11th June I did something I always wanted to do; I went to see Neil Young & Crazy Horse at the very kind invitation of my old friend Matt. I've been a fan for a while, but I rarely go to gigs for fear of lots of people. Seeing Neil Young is in concert is like seeing a harvest, they happen every year (see what I did there?). But this was different. This was with Crazy Horse, who he hasn't toured with in ten years. There are various schools of thought on the Horse. Some disparagingly refer to their sloppy playing, their lack of technical skill and looseness. Horse fans like me however see them as their best points, the "it could all fall apart at any moment" factor being an important selling point. Horse drummer Ralph Molina says this may be their last tour with Young, and seeing them was truly a must. I tried to avoid looking at too many setlists before I went, especially youtube videos of previous performances on the tour. Neil fans never know what to expect with their hero, and I wanted the ultimate surprise factor.

The former NEC (now known as the LG) in Birmingham where I pilgramiged for this event is a rather large, souless venue. Trading as an exhibition centre, it leads to seats being far and some questionable acoustics. This was not to deter us however, and we could feel the excitement between us when we finally went up the steps and saw the set. Neil Young tours on their own have rather basic backdrops, but with the Horse it's different. From the Rust Never Sleeps tour in the late '70s, he has opted for a more theatrical setup with giant fender speakers and an oversized microphone that has even made appearances at CSNY shows. Augmenting this was giant retro television sets acting as the video screens.

Remember what I said about theatrical? This show delivered right from the start. As the lights dimmed, men with white lab coats appeared to the Beatles' "A Day in the Life" playing as they lifted the boxes on stage (complete with extagerated lifting sounds) to reveal the speakings. They were then joined on stage by Neil Young & Crazy Horse members "Poncho" Sampedro, Billy Talbot and Ralph Molina to a union jack backdrop, "God Save the Queen" playing with all their hands on the hearts. Tongue wedged firmly in cheek i'm sure.

For a man who seemed to nervously chatter to the audience on his early shows, Young has regressed to barely speaking or acknowledging in the crowd. He stayed true to this tradition, and launched straight into the new song "Love to Burn" played with ferocious tenacity, The audience was immediately restless. Things didn't look up for audiences expecting "Only Love will Break your Heart" when Neil and the Horse went into obscure numbers and a 15+ minute plus version of another new song, "Walk like a Giant". The not so casual fans where shocked when Neil & the Horse followed this up with 10 minutes of feedback, with carrier bags littering the stage highlighting the song (and the show's) environmental theme, with a rain backdrop followed by the "no more rain" audio from Woodstock. At this point I saw many heading for the exits, beer on their minds, unable to follow the challenge Young had set them. The tension in the air was palpable. Things picked up for this section of the audience as he launched into some light relief, a solo acoustic version of arguably his most well known song, "Heart of Gold" to the best response of the night. The sigh of relief from some was all too apparent. After a nice version of "Blowin' in the Wind", the band re-took the stage for the as yet unreleased song "Singer without a Song". Queue the exits again.

Young's lack of desire for some more well known songs was frothing to the forefront, some audience members audibly (even from my far back seat) expressing their desire to hear more. The responses were classic Neil; "we played that last night" and "which one is it? Cortez or Rock and Roll (sic)?" being particular favourites.

Once further into more sonic attack, the highlight was a 10 minute version of "Fuckin' Up". This was given a different arrangement from the studio version, with a extended rap by Poncho being appreciated by the hardcore fans which was hilarious. Neil led the receptive members of the crowd into a call and response of "you're such a fuck up" to Poncho's anguished cries of his woes in the world. The band was having a blast, and we were too. As an side, the bands still ragged look is still a sight to behold. Too many bands rock the leather or suit look, giving them an air of unatainability that us mere mortels can only dream of. Neil & the Horse look like us, and we take to that.

These people who attended and complained about the feedback and lack of "classics" are surely missing the point of Neil Young and his back catalogue. This is an artist who regularly challenges his audiences, and has a diverse song history. This was a tour in support of a new album, not a Greatest Hits tour. Further more, the ticket says "Neil Young & Crazy Horse". There is nothing wrong with liking his more acoustic material, and I am a big fan of it; this wasn't the time or place for it. It's best with this artist not to go in with any preconceived ideas as to what he will or will not play; his unpredictability is part of the charm. His guitar playing on this night was exemplary as he rolled back the years to deliver solo after solo. As for the Horse, well they were the Horse; unpredictable, on the varge of breaking down by played with raw power.

This is a man who is unsentimental to audience expectations, and it makes for a more interesting show that conveys an important environmental point about the regrets of the past and the hopes of the future.

Selling out

Everyone who knows me thinks, or I hope to think, has strong principles on the various structures of the world; alas, everyone at one time has to set aside this to stuggle for the legal tender. Aside from your skills, the highest value thing you sell is your time. I'm just suprised how low I settled for. The job I have been doing is for over a year and a half now, and it is time to move on. I just hope my price is higher next time.

Looking for inspiration; rambling

I've not written in 4 months. Why not, Mark, you may ask. The answer isn't probably too comforting. I'm looking for inspiration. At any given time, my muse goes away, and I look to find her. I'm stuggling though, I read books but can only stomach an hour and a half maximum at any given time, struggling to digest the information in. At the moment, I have three books on the go. One for the tube, and two for home. You would think literary tomes about Neil Young, the Moon and Blood Meredian would be fuel for my blog quest for writing salvation. You would be wrong. I haven't picked up Shakey, Jimmy McDonough's opus about Neil Young up for weeks, reminding myself that I need to have a better understanding of the master's vast back catalogue. I've read up to McDonough's accounts of Harvest , a period of Young's music and life I feel well versed in, but not quite having a better understanding of his Ditch peroiod, I put the book down to further develop my knowledge, getting as far as Rust Never Sleeps. Now, for the unanitiated, Rust Never Sleep was Young's 1979 album that channeled his fear of being "dead weight", and of being a dinosaur to the modern trends in music. Most point to the track "Hey Hey, My My" as the mission statement of this message. While to some extent that's, I think the next track "Thrasher" fleshes out his justification's for his career trajectory. Rejecting former band mates he feels are irrelevant, he shapes his own drive to not to rust (pardon the phrase). I'm looking forward to reading what McDonough makes of it, though knowing his views so far i'm sure he has a far greater respect for the second side, backed by Crazy Horse. Moon Dust by Andrew Smith is something I would dream of writing. Part history, part travelogue, part gonzo journalism and part memoir about what the Apollo mission meant to him, I dream of having Smith's command for metaphors and vivid descriptions. I'm 40 pages into it so far, and I feel I know more about the mission than I did before, Smith being like most of us a layperson to the whole event. His inspiration came out of interviewing one of the astronaunt's on the 30 anniversary of Apollo 11's launch, triggering childhood excitment at the new age that was never to be. A nice inspiration to have. Oh what do you know? They do provide some inspiration. Maybe the meta theme of this post is catharic.